Been a while

So it has been a while since I've written in.  It's much the same story, different chapter.  Or verse.  Or whatever.  Basically I'm still in angst.  I want more but you either won't, can't, or are clueless to give it.  And by more I mean, engagement in conversation.  Giving me your opinion when I know you have one but don't verbalize it.  Maybe acknowledge any feelings you may have toward me.  Or am I still just someone you play with?  Is that my only purpose?  It sort of feels like it is and it saddens me every time.  I don't even know truly how to talk to you right now.  I want to play of course, but then I start thinking about how it's just fantasy with you.  Just an exercise of the mind and nothing more.  I start feeling guilty and depressed when I imagine you doing things with me because I know you don't truly want to do any of that with me.  I wish that you felt an inkling of what I do for you.  Do I want to replace Rob?  No.  Do I think it's possible to love more than one person?  Yes.  But see, the difference between you and I Adam, is that you just view the sexy chat as an exercise out of fun and I view it out of need?  I suppose?  I dunno.  I am so tired I am barely making sense and can hardly keep my eyes open.  *yawns*   more later I think.