Being Difficult

So, we've obviously resumed communication a long time ago.  And when we play, things are normal as long as I don't mention anything that resembles IRL or anything that can be construed as actual love.  We started playing not long after my confession and I had asked if everything between us was okay.  And you basically said that you're working on boundaries that can't be crossed and that we're okay but not fully okay.  I was sad and still not sure what to make of that or feel. 
I know your preferred role for me is sexual and playful.  So when I ask for help on the only other subject that I know you'll talk about, it makes me feel bad.  I feel inferior.  I feel like your opinion of me lessens each time I ask about matters of BOTA.  I am sure that's incorrect, but like today, you've not been on to talk.  At all in fact.  It makes me question if I did that.  If I had been the online bimbo you want and need, if you'd be back today to talk.  See, Adam the thing is, I see you.  I see how kind, intelligent, and wonderful you are.  I seek to engage you (though i don't really know how outside of the 2 subjects above).  I love you, but I guess I don't know you.  And I'm pretty certain you don't truly want to know me or you'd be asking questions like I do.  I have been trying to place you in a role as well.  Of a lover and now as a mentor to me for my spiritual journey.  Both now, I know, you can't be.  You don't want me as a lover.  In fact I think you've distanced yourself some after I confessed to you some things.  Or I could be reading too much into things as usual.  And also, I don't know if you'd actually be a good mentor.  I mean you offer quoted phrases as the best means to guide me.  You don't elaborate on your experiences.  You once said that you thought the same things at the beginning but you didn't expand.  I just...don't know any more Adam.  I just don't know who you are really.  I think maybe I fell in love with someone who was fictitious.