Actions Not Words

I have to realize that if I truly live by my mantra Actions Speak Louder Than Words, then I need to apply it to you and see where things are.  When in view of the many things we've done over the years, I conclude that I am a trusted friend, but not someone you love.  Nor am I someone you want to experiment with or connect with on any level other than sexual play.  You do not want to send any physical relic (even though your words say maybe) such as a rock or even a postcard.  You do not want to even show me your handwriting or do anything that brings the physical acknowledgement to the forefront...except for stroking.  You also don't want to become social media friends on any platform (even though your words have said maybe).  And now in the plane not made by hands, the untouchable realm, you don't even want to connect on any level.  At one point you said you could feel my pain, you also could feel an embrace.  Heck you embraced me back and even "came to me" a few nights and pleasured me.  We felt each other on some level even though we weren't physically near.  Then all of a sudden, a wall was thrown up.  All experimentation or connection was lost.  Ignored as if it didn't happen.  I tell you I feel alone now and am sad, missing you.  You offer your well maybe we could try again, and to what ends, why so important etc...act like you understand and then speak of it no more.  Nothing changes.  Your actions tell me what I need to know.  You don't love me.  And whatever connection I feel I have with you matters not.  I feel ostrichsized.  It'd be one thing if there wasn't any kind of experience with a connection, but we both felt it and admitted it.  And now, amnesia seems to have hit and a wall thrown up for good measure.  The thing is, I don't want to explore the connection for romantic love.  I am not Star, I don't want to hurt her.  I just have a calling that I am supposed to feel you and know you.  But either you don't feel that at all, or you're ignoring it.   You don't have desire to know me.  Almost all of the info you know about me, I gave you in attempt to spark conversation or because I felt like if I didn't share these things, you wouldn't ask on your own.  Everything is one-sided and it's my fault.  I keep thinking I should leave.  Why can't I?  I guess I keep hanging onto hope that you'll find me important one day.  Rob says you use me.  I think you might be after reviewing the evidence.  You just like knowing that I desire your mind and body.  I stroke your ego often.  So I have a few choices.  Either I keep going as I am, not being fulfilled, I revert back to being plaything and nothing else, or I leave.  I don't know which will hurt the least.