Trust

You know, I trust too freely.  I do.  I share my life, memories and moments, I give of myself without much (if any) hesitation.  I've shown you my kiddos and include in the day-to-day.  So when I asked if I would ever get a chance to see what your kids even look like and/or be connected in some sort of gallery or social platform to see, you told me "probably not".  Now, I get that you want privacy for your family.  But see, I was hoping for some trust here.  Just an inkling of what I give you.  Like what am I going to do with a picture of your kid?  And at one point you said you'd consider friending me on facebook or the like.  I guess that was just to shut me up.  Why do I even hope that I'd get equal footing with you?  I have admitted to myself that you just really want me for play and play only.  But there I go again, thinking I've earned your trust and had a good friendship going.  Then...probably not.  I must be crazy.  I've got an entire fucking blog just for complaining and figuring you out, because I can't just grasp the fact that after all of these years, I'm just still being used.  Even now, I can't bare to fathom it.  It's such a depressing and angering feeling.  Is it true?  Or am I just being over emotional?  If I do stick to my mantra, actions speak louder than words, then your actions tell me that being used isn't coming from a place of malice but it's still the fact.  So why can't I let go?  Because I'd be lonely during the day.  You fill my time.  You're a fickle companion when we're not playing, but you're still...there.  Rob isn't so talkative to me.  I really just need to find a new companion.